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"Sorry," Gabriel said, as Rase was looking for something to say.
"What for?" Rase leaned his hip on the counter and stood there watching Gabriel. He could
have a fit over Takis catching him kissing another man later. Maybe the worst of it had
already been dealt with when he'd told Takis about it before.
"Just& your son, and& " Gabriel pushed away from the counter. "I think I should go."
"Gabriel." Rase kept his hands to himself through force of will as Gabriel stalked across the
kitchen, headed for the front door. "It's okay."
"Your son just walked in on us, and it's okay?" Gabriel turned around, his face cold and
angry.
"It's okay with me," Rase clarified. "It's okay with him. If it's not okay with you, that's all
right, too." He held on to the edge of the counter to keep himself in place.
Gabriel looked lost and then shook his head. "I don't care," he said, in the tones of someone
who probably cared at least a little.
Rase supposed that maybe he'd screwed up so much with Takis, and Takis had been so
rebellious as a teenager, that they were both rather numb to any dumbassery on either of their
parts. "He's used to me," Rase said gently. "No surprises here. You don't have to go, if you
don't want to."
"I should." Gabriel stood in the doorway, not moving. He had his keys swinging slowly from
one finger.
"Do you want to?" Rase was sure his hands were white-knuckled, he was clenching the
countertop so hard.
Gabriel looked down at his keys, then back at Rase. "I could stay a little while," he said.
"Maybe until he comes back."
"I wouldn't make anyone I liked drink organic beer and eat cheese-crust pizza," Rase said
dryly.
That got him a small exhalation of a laugh as Gabriel relaxed and slouched against the
doorframe. "Hey, I like cheese-crust pizza," he said, mustering up a smile for Rase.
"God, I'm surrounded." Rase pushed himself away from the counter and took a few slow
steps toward Gabriel. When Gabriel didn't freeze up, he kept going. "You can always stay for
lunch, too. If you want." He stopped in front of Gabriel, hands in his pockets again.
"Anything I want," Gabriel said, toying with his keys again. "Seems to be a theme with you."
"I already have what I want." Rase shrugged. "You're here, aren't you?"
"Why the hell do you say things like that?" Gabriel sounded pained, and he looked up at Rase
with a helplessness in his eyes that made Rase ache.
"They're true?" Rase shrugged again, feeling guilty and not knowing why. "I can stop."
"Don't." Gabriel put his keys away in his pocket. "Why don't you show me your new place?"
"Sure." Rase was a little startled by the sudden demand, but he supposed it would keep them
out of bed, and keep them from screwing up the tentative peace between them. "Kitchen,
obviously." He gestured around them. "Recently redone, as I don't think travertine tiles were
in vogue a hundred years ago, or the ubiquitous stainless steel appliances. Large windows,
perfect for leaking heat out into one of the many man-eating gardens around the place."
Gabriel laughed quietly and stepped aside as Rase came toward him.
"I'll show you the front of the house first," Rase said on his way past. "Since you missed it on
the way in."
"You're planning to repaint the whole thing yourself?" Gabriel followed along slowly, his
distress seeming to seep away.
"My first wife says it's good for me," Rase said, gesturing helplessly. "In a non-existential
sense."
"What the hell?" Gabriel murmured.
"I know." Rase looked over his shoulder at Gabriel and gave him a smile. "I don't even try
and make sense of most things these days. I get so much more done that way."
***
Out in the back, before the woodlot, there was a listing picnic table under an old oak. Gabriel
sat down on a bench there, careless of his suit, and leaned back on the table.
"It's a nice place," he said, watching a few colorful birds flirt in the bare branches of the trees.
"Yeah." It still surprised Rase how nice it was. "I hate it when my real estate agent gets smug,
but I'm not sorry I bought it yet."
"And the second house out front?"
"Takis is already taking measurements for the flat screen television I'm apparently buying
him." Rase laughed at that and shook his head. "I figure I'll fix it up and he can stay there
whenever he wants. I think the novelty will fade pretty fast for him once he's done with
school, but I don't mind having him around. It's probably good for us."
"You're probably a better dad than you think," Gabriel said quietly.
"Thanks." Rase's feet were icy in the damp grass and the wind was cool through his thin T-
shirt, but he didn't care. He came slowly over to sit near Gabriel, straddling the bench a
couple feet away, hands on the gray, splintering wood between his thighs. "I don't know that
I'm good at anything but business, but that doesn't mean I don't care."
"It's weird to see you like this."
"Like what?"
"This." Gabriel looked over and gestured at Rase. "Dirty. Sweaty. Disheveled."
"Thanks." Rase laughed at that and shook his head. "It's weird to see me like this, too."
"It looks good on you."
"Thanks."
They sat there with the wind between them and the birds overhead, the inches that parted
them feeling like miles. It was one of those days that was scrubbed clean by cold wind and a
few days of rain, bright and shiny and sharp. It was almost painfully new out. Rase caught the
pale green spears of something pushing up through the grass out of the corner of his eye; it
wasn't just him struggling out of hibernation.
"Are you busy tonight?" Gabriel's question brought Rase's attention back to him. The wind
had brought some color to his cheeks and was pulling at his hair.
"Not sure." Rase hadn't talked to Takis about it. "I don't have to be." He was fairly certain
Takis would be irritatingly approving of his having a date.
"I don't want to cut into your time with your son." Gabriel tipped his sunglasses down to
thwart the bright sun.
"I don't want that either," Rase said honestly. "But he's got to sleep some time, and I've only
got the one bed here. He's too cool to crash with his dad, anyway. Did you want to have
dinner tonight? Tomorrow?"
"I may go back tomorrow night," Gabriel said. He shifted so he could stretch out his legs and
slide his hands into his pockets.
"Dinner tonight, then," Rase suggested. "Just tell me where you want to go."
"You really want to go out to dinner?" Gabriel shot Rase a skeptical look out of the corner of
his eye.
"As opposed to what?"
"Getting on your knees and begging me to beat you." There was no inflection in Gabriel's
voice, no heat, and no emotion at all. He wasn't even looking at Rase.
Still, the words sent a rush of need through Rase, and he had to breathe through it. "I don't
want one more than the other," he answered, fully aware that he was being challenged.
"They're not interchangeable. I want them both."
Rase took a breath to calm the pounding in his chest and continued, even though Gabriel
wouldn't look at him. "I want to go out to dinner with you, anywhere you want, on a date.
And then I want to go back to your place or my place and I want you to beat me until I
bleed." He couldn't stay neutral, couldn't keep the thickness out of his voice or stop the heat
growing heavy in his groin and belly as he spoke. "I want you to hurt me until neither of us
can take it anymore, and then I want you to use me to get off."
"Fuck." It was little more than an exhalation. Gabriel swallowed hard and pulled his hands
out of his pockets, pushing himself to sit leaning forward, hands clenched on the bench. He
still wouldn't look at Rase, but Rase could feel the need coming off of him in waves. "I'll pick
you up at eight. Make us reservations somewhere. I don't care."
"Yes, Gabriel." Rase let the subservience surface, clamping down on the need to slide off the
bench and fall to his knees in the wet grass.
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