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test board in front of him seemed to stare back -- a hundred demanding eyes.
He suddenly wanted to scream, found he couldn't move his throat muscles.
If there was an emergency now, I'd be helpless, he thought. I couldn't move a
finger.
He tried to will the motion of the index finger of his right hand, failed.
If I move I'll die!
Something touched his shoulder and he almost blanked out in frozen panic. A
voice spoke softly beside his ear and it was as though the voice had shouted
loud enough to split his eardrums.
"Ramsey. Steady boy."
"You're a brave man, Ramsey. You took it longer than most."
Ramsey felt the trembling of his body had become so violent that his vision
blurred.
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"I've been waiting for this, Ramsey. Every man goes through it down here. Once
you've been through it, you're all right."
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Deep, fatherly voice. Tender. Compassionate.
With all his being, Ramsey wanted to turn, bury his head against that
compassionate chest, sob out his fears in strangled emotion.
"Let it go," said Sparrow. "Let it come. Nobody here but me, and I've been
through it."
Slowly at first, then in gasping sobs, the tears came. He bent over the bench,
buried his face in his arms.
All the time, Sparrow's hand upon his shoulder, a feeling of warmth from it, a
sense of strength.
"I was afraid," whispered Ramsey.
"Show me the man who isn't afraid and ITI show you a blind man or a dolt,"
said Sparrow. "We're plagued with too much thinking. It's the price of
intelligence."
The hand left Ramsey's shoulder. He heard the shack door open, close.
Ramsey lifted his head, stared at the test board in front of him, the open
intercom switch.
Bonnett's voice came from the speaker: "Ramsey, can you give us a
sound-distance test now?"
Ramsey cleared his throat. "Right." His hands moved over the board, slowly,
then with rapid sureness.
"There's enough cold stuff above us to blanket force speed," he said.
The speaker rumbled with Sparrow's voice. "Les, give us force speed. Ramsey,
we are within ninety pounds of pressure limit. Remain on watch with Les until
you are relieved."
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The humming of the Ram's electric motors keened up a notch, another.
"Right, Skipper," said Ramsey. Garcia's voice came over the intercom. "What's
up? I felt the motors."
"Cold layer," said Sparrow. "We're gaining a few knots while we can."
"Need me?"
"Come up here on stand-by." Ramsey heard the voices over the intercom with a
peculiar clarity, saw the board in front of him with a detail that amazed him:
tiny scratches, a worn plug line.
Back came the memory of his blue funk and with it, a detail his mind had
avoided: Sparrow calling to him over the intercom to make the sound-distance
test.
And when I didn't answer, he came immediately to help me.
Another thought intruded: He knows how green I am -- has known it all along.
"Ramsey."
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Sparrow stood in the shack doorway.
Ramsey stared at him.
Sparrow entered, sat down on the bench stool beside the door. "What are you,
Ramsey?"
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He cleared his throat. "What do you mean?"
"Every man has to wrestle with his shadow down here. You held out a long
time."
"I don't understand you."
"This life makes you face your fears sooner or later."
"How did you know I was afraid?"
"Every man's afraid down here. It was just a matter of waiting until you found
out you were afraid. Now, answer my question: What are you?"
Ramsey stared past Sparrow. "Sir, I'm an electronics officer."
A faint smile touched Sparrow's eyes and mouth. "It's a sad world we live in,
Ramsey. But at least
Security picks its men for their courage." He straightened.
Ramsey accepted this silently.
"Now, let's have a look at that little box of yours," said Sparrow. "I'm
curious." He stood up, went out into the companionway, turned aft.
Ramsey followed.
"Why not keep it in the shack?" asked Sparrow.
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"I've been using my time off to check it."
"Don't wear yourself out." Sparrow dropped down to the lower level, Ramsey
behind him. They entered
Ramsey's room. The humming of the induction drive came through the bulkhead.
Ramsey sat down on his bunk, brought out the box, put it on his desk, and
unlocked it. Can't let him look too close, thought Ramsey. He noted that the
disguise system was working.
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